This is a conversation that has been going on b/t girlfriends and men and women in relationships for CENTURIES. The chances of you finding the perfect person is impossible, because everyone is different and likes different things. The best thing i tell people to hope for is to find the person who is Perfect for you, or the person that comes the closest.
There is noooo such thing as the perfect dude, everyone has faults everyone has weaknesses, and everyone messes up. My question is, why do are women so willing to give up that "98%" good nigga to turn around and end up with a "62%" good nigga. I never really understood what certain people hold in such high regard.
What are the 3 basic faults women know about dudes?
1. They like to fuck other women. (what a shocker)
2. They like to be the "big man", "bread winner", "wear the pants"
3. They carry emotional baggage from old relationships (baby momma drama, heartbroken as a kid, etc. etc.
4. They LIE like like the motherfuckin rug.
My problem is, we are all grown yet we like to sit back and believe in fairy tales like we are kids. Im not saying you should not want the best for yourself, now am i saying you should compromise yourself, im saying you should not throw something or someone away because they messed up, just to bite ya nose off to spite your face. Then end up with something worst and then you never get that good thing back again.
If he does all the things your man should do for you like, not Chris Brown your ass, Diddy's The kids (takes care of his and yours like its his), does not put you in harms way, and provides a safe enviorment for you and your kids, is pretty damn honest with you, but requires you to kinda humble yourself a bit and just be his lady, why is it that some of you want to fight him on this. Why is it that you are so hell bent on "equality" and having your voice heard, but end up fucking with a dude who gives you that voice, but you have no equality in the rest of your relationship. You were not screaming equality when you was taking care of your kids. Whats so hard about STFU!
Simularly, this dude is almost perfect in every way, but he cheats on you. I know .. I know .. I know .. OHHH MY GOSH!! He cheated. Really? So now what?? Break up with him and find someone who won't cheat on you? Well you will be searching for that person for a really long time, or that dude's head is so far up under your skirt, he can tell you when your "periodical" is coming. If you are just going to stay with someone who doesnt cheat on you, you will be in a bunch of 6month - 36 month relationships, or after a while, you will just stop looking or caring. Should have stopped looking while you had the good nigga. Now you stuck with the fat nigga who borrows money from you all the time and doesnt have much going on but a bunch of talk and empty promises.
Now, im not saying that there are not guys out there that dont cheat, and im not saying that there are not guys out there that will let you be the woman you want to be. My point is know what it is that you want from your relationships, and allow their to be room for error and improvement. Its always GREAT in the beginning, but can it be GOOD 20 yrs from now is the real question. Relationships go from GREAT to I HATE YOU, in 2-6 months. Talk to me after 15 - 25 yrs.
ALL IM SAYING IS ...
Dont throw away a Zack Posen dress b/c someone had it on before you, or there is a default in it, take it to a tailor to get it fixed. It doesnt make sense to throw that away just to go throw on a Isaac Mizrahi Target dress. Thats just backwards to me. A Good Dress is a good dress, and that will prob last longer than that short term Target shyt!
Fix the Posen dress and deal with the fact that its a hot dress and someone else would and prob has had it before. Geeesh!!!
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16 Retort(s):
there is so much going on here- and its not as simple-no we (women) are not looking for perfection all the way- but some do understand the male mind- and for others at times 'equality' as u say lol yes its necessary.
Yes we brush off the corny dude quicker then the dude that has swag for the simple fact of appeal- a certain amount of women (the keen bunch) know if they want to have a relationship-or situationship w/ dude from jump street as do dudes.
Different strokes for different folks-but the dynamic of cheating in some cases are inevitable-but there has to be a line drawn at times when disrespect is involved-granted he's doing everything for you and yours vice versa-happy family for pictures sakes-but the side chick gets hype off of that and comes to ur phone w/ the drama like wat u supposed 2 do change #'s cuz u cant control the birds u deal with for the fun of chasing new p*ssy? Like i'm giving a scenario cuz its real talk.
Then you have the nice guy who treats you good- but he;s prideful as hell and burdens ya'll relationship b/c he thinks your out to stab him in the back cuz of the next chick or he didn't have 'mothering' in his life as a kid-is entirely wishy washy with the moods and is a child himself due to this-NEXT!
So it aint fairy tales-Everybody comes with something and its a matter of what your willing to deal with to outlast the 'several months' relationship to have something substantial and everlasting.
I for one -i'm cool with letting a man be a man but there's a certain amount and its not easy just to stfu about issh b/c its like dumbing yourself down to what? Keep a man? im good
u kno i luv ya V lol!
I know ... I know ...
I hate writing long ass blogs, its just unappealing to me, but i started writing, and the shy just wouldnt stop. lol
Well i understand what your saying for the most part, but you are missing a little of what im saying.
I agree, if your dude cant keep a freaking jump or a bird under control, pls pls believe he has earned a lip lashing. You have every right to be upset especially if you were disrespected. But its a big difference b/t a craazy jump calling ya job and ya cell whispering yea i fhuked ya man, and you being inspector gadget looking for shyt just to throw in a nigga face. If you want it you will find it, niggas dont hide shit well any damn way.
The 2nd point I have a little trouble with is, your dumbing it down to keep a man. I didnt say dumb it down to keep a man, but its not always in your best interest to be that obnoxious at times. Sometimes you can just stfu and let a dude be a dude, niggas know when they are wrong, they might not admit it, but they tend not to do the same shyt over and over if they made a fool of themselves in the 1st place. So no its not dumb it down, its just be cool and fall back. Now, if you feel like that is compromising yourself, then by all means be loud, be obnoxious, be the one always ready to argue and make your point, but pls realize that why your prob in 3 - 6 month relationships, b/c niggas dont want to put up with you, and the ones that will are pussy, and you dont want them either. Catch 22 boo
;)
I get the stfu part- I dooooo I really do- but its only to an extent and it also depends on the treatment factor- we can ride out about this all day I will say this though you and I both know theres the pacifying men that cant deal with a gals opinions or ideals for life w/ or w/ him- those are the ones who want u 2 sit pretty an stfu while he walks around doing the BS- being clear thats the type that I see women dumb themselves down for b/c they pay the rent-buy the shoes u name it. I feel I can pass on that is what I meant. I feel like there should be a balance and with some men you cant find that and with some you can-so catch 22 granted u win some u lose some- Be a man thats fine- I can let you rock out fine -but understand MY position being obnoxious is not the 1st option here its just about compromise and seeing what fits and what doesn't. So thats why it could be 3-6 months not due to my mouth but that 'let me be macho camacho' isn't necessarily keeping me around for the long haul :P
Think is similiar to what Tyler Perry talked about in his movie. The "80/20" rule. Guys have a woman that has 80% of what he wants, but he desires a woman with that other 20%, but misses out on the 80%.
When you list your faults... I honestly don't think #2 is a fault. I honestly like for that quality in a man. I find that very attractive as long as he does not go pyscho with it, you feel me?
Relationships have to grow and people have to grow. Just because he cheats on you does not mean dump him, but you have to have some standards. People mess up and you have to learn from you mistakes. I am not condoning cheating, but you have to take each relationship and make it work for you.
I love your analogy using the Zack Posen dress.
BULLET TO THE BLOG.....SO TRUE VEGGY!!! GUYS DO THE SAME SHIT THO...THEY MEET THIS GIRL AND SHE'S MADDDD COOL, SHE'S NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS THEY USE TO AND WHEN SHIT GETS REALLY GOOD THEY START MAKING EXCUSES AND SHIT.....THEY JUST CANT CHILL AND AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS...MAKING SHIT REALLY COMPLICATED
I THINK AT THE END OF THE DAY....THEY SCARED...
I agree with Jen, men are definitely scared - their shit is just incognito-
anywho.
this was a good one. who does that? gives up 98% for 62%? that's wack.
people need to give relationships something very important: time. i'm a bit more traditional for some odd reason and sometimes i think it works against me - i'll stick it out till i know there's no more room for improvement - and in the past i learned that it was really over waaaay too late for my own good. i don't understand why people break up so easily and for theee most minute issues. whatever happen to teaching eachother? what are you really learning by moving on to the next person every so often? maybe it's just me.
-shrugs-
and in regards to your comment about chicks not knowing when to stfu: a very wise person once told me it's a talent to know when to stfu and not complain... unfortunately, not many women possess that talent. sucks to be them. i'm not gonna lie - i'm still learning myself - but i've def gotten better - you gotta pick your battles (lol) - some chicks out there really cannot STFU... then get upset when they are left for the next chick... who shuts the fuck up gracefully.
Humbly ...
Im with you
Jen ...
You started on on my level, but then you went left.
I agree that niggas do the same shyt. Niggas will fuck with a chick then get all sensative when they find out out shyt about here they didnt know. I agree, and im one to say you dont throw away a relationship b/c a chick cheats or makes more money, or is maaad loud. You figure out how to work those things out.
However, the point you made in the latter part of your reply is where will kinda split. Guys usually dont make excuses to be with girls, they make excuses not to be with them. Most dudes dont want a girl, they want a chick that they can keep around and be cool with. Its really that simple, so yea, shyt was cool in the beginning, but he aint scared to make it last, he just knows if he keeps down this path its going to go somewhere he does not want it to go. Its easier to tell a chick i dont want to be in a relationship after 3-4 months, rather than after 16-18 months.
Most dudes say i dont want a relationship upfront, but they do things that make yall comfy, so yall want to go jump out the window. I must say this.... when it comes to dudes, you should listen to what we say, and not what we do. Cause we can be comfy around you, like you, chill with you, but we still dont want a "relationship" ... In the words of Trucee, we are usually looking for a "situationship" but yall get all happy when a nigga spends 2 or 3 days with you. Then yall start picking out floral arrangements and shyt. loll
So ... there is a difference in that aspect, a HUGE difference
Peggy ...
C'mooooon!
Stop it, how many chicks you know (including yourself) had a pretty good dude, lets say 89% and threw that away to fuck with another nigga that you thought was 94, but ended up being 71. It happens all the time, you throw one away b/c he isnt giving you something, and the next nigaa is giving you that exact thing you wanted, but you took for granted to whole other shyt 89 was giving you, and you dont get any of that from 71. Women (yes and men) take for granted what they have and want what they dont. But when they get what they wanted, they realize its not as good without all the other shyt you no longer have.
It happens allllll the time. So i always say, just chill the fuck out for a bit... take stock or what you have and what you need. because very rarely will you get all that you want.
Truth be told, We can flip this topic why are men doing the same thing ? Instead of doing 98% I would say 80/20 Like in "Why did I get Married"
I just read your response you said we should listen to what we say not do. True being your a man you know more than anyone some guys will tell you anything. So why be so selfish just so a woman don't date another man? I mean why leave your 80% for the 20 your other chick is giving. My homeboy said once you see your side chick more than your girl... Where they do that @ ? In my opinion I would only leave my 98 in a case where he doesn't want to pursue more of a commitment,people tend to settle or get too comfortable.
Anonymous ...
let me clarify what i mean about listen to what we say and not what we do.
I was refering to the context in which men tell women they dont want a relationship. If a dude says he doesnt want one, but sometimes acts like he does, that just means he is comfortable with you, it doesnt mean that he has changed his mind and wants to be all loved up and do a 3-5 relationship bid.
A dude might try to say whatever to get the draws, but thats not what im talking about. Thats not the 98% good nigga, thats the nigga that will try to sell you the bk bridge. He is that 68% yall fall into after yall get rid of 98%
I believe on being upfront, the 98%good nigga is honest (for the most part)if yall in something open, its open, he cant and wont get tight or wild out if you do you. He doesnt tell stories to trap you up or tries to breed you up to keep you. Thats not 98% good nigga. That Greany nigga shyt.
@ Vegas I understand ....I was actually refer to the 98% good nigga that can't quite get it right ..I believe every man cheats but men have to understand that everyone in life no matter how much they love you ..when someone hurts you, it's just that hurt. A tarnish that effects your relationship not matter how much they forgive. Also everyone has a tolerance level. Why be in a relationship if you are still trying to live single?? Just so your "good girl" doesn't mess with someone else. I mean it ruins the relationship. No matter how you slice it. No matter how good in other areas. Cheating makes men/ woman feel away
P
I think u mis-understood me. I said a guy chill with the girl and the situation is cool and then he makes shit complicated by making excuses to why he's falling back all of a sudden.
I also didn't say that guys makes excuses to be with a girl but u made a VERY good point that he aint scared to make it last and its easier to tell someone he doesn't want a relationship in 3-4 months.
And I agree with anonymous....let a girl no what's up...and not all girls will bug out and shit....lol
Very Well Said.
"I'm not saying you should not want the best for yourself, nor am i saying you should compromise yourself, im saying you should not throw something or someone away because they messed up, just to bite ya nose off to spite your face. Then end up with something worst and then you never get that good thing back again."
Ever notice that people who give the best advice, tend to rarely take their own?
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